A Light through the Clouds...”

Sometimes we go through life waiting for someone to make it easier on us. Someone who could just swoop us up and show us how we could ride to the end of our lives on a breeze. Not very realistic. But I have found times I wish I could find that one person. The one who would just take all my problems and blow them away and say, no worries my dear. I’ll take care of you. It’s amazing how I searched for that after my transplant. The way the meds affected me made me want someone who could do that exact ridiculous thing for me. Well, yes it is unrealistic to think someone will just show up through your front door someday to take away all your problems. And I knew that. So I struggled. I let the anxiety and depression get me down. It seemed as though  I let it take over my entire life. I found myself dwelling in the fact that I was too anxious to do anything. Too depressed to care. Rather than being grateful my eyes opened to see another morning. or another incredible sunset. I know I missed so much during that time in my life because I was waiting for “my“ person to come save me. I was actually praying for that one person to just take care of me because I was simply tired. There were many other things going on in our lives at the same time that added a complete new set of anxiety and depression. There were days I just felt like I was a robot. Going through the motions that I knew I had to do until I could go to sleep. But then God was sure to give me another slap in the face. It was as if He said to me one day, why are you still searching for that person to carry all your burdens? Someone to simply take care of you. To ease your mind and lead you on your journey. Marv is a great husband, but we were both going through a lot at that time and it was unfair of me to expect him to do all that for me. Although he certainly did try. One day I heard this song on The Message on Sirius XM. It was by Lauren Daigle and it is called “ Look Up Child”. It hit me that God was truly begging to help me. All I needed to do, was Look Up!  As I listened to the words of that song, I realized that there is a person who can ease my mind. Who can put all my burdens on His shoulders. Who can lead me through the Holy Spirit in the ways I should go. I think this is when things began to change for me. When I realized how desperately God wanted to be that one who would always be there for me. And I , once again said to God, please forgive me for looking to everyone but You. Why did I do this time and time again? Why does God  have to keep reminding me? I think it was simply because at that time of my life I was truly overwhelmed by the massive amounts of “not normal” things I was having to deal with. Relational things. Financial things. Health things. Mental anxiety things. They just kept piling up. And what I want to say to you, is if you are dealing with these same overwhelming feelings, look up child. Gods shoulders are huge. His grace is enormous. His love is even greater still. And He will take all that heaviness on your shoulders and on your heart and just blow it all away if you give it to Him. This is something I still have to be reminded of at times. But overall, I think I have learned to trust God with His plans. Because I can’t think of one time in my life that His plan was not better than mine. What a freeing thing. To be able to pray and see the light in the clouds. It’s as though He reaches down and beams up all my problems through the light, up to Him. And they are no longer so heavy on my heart. What an amazing God we have. He not only gave us bodies that are fearfully and wonderfully made, that can go through tough surgeries and come out the other side physically better. But He cares so much about us always, that He wants to hear our concerns and our burdens so He can relieve our anxiety.  To God be the glory! 😊