That’s the only way I could describe how I felt when I found out about my kidney disease. Marv and I had just started this new adventure with our own studio. And everything seemed to be falling into place. So this certainly knocked the wind out of our sail. But I think what I want to focus on today is the blessing of how God so graciously moved us forward the next number of years. As I said before, I was a classic workaholic. ( I think it runs in our family!) So looking back, it is so good to see how, in the midst of everything, God knew the best way to take me from what I was facing to where I am today.
First of all, Marv and I were able to go forward with our business for 8 years before we had to sell it. We have some good memories and met so many wonderful people. It wasn’t always easy. I had many days of being drained. My kidneys were functioning at about 30% until 2012. That’s when I got sick again and ended up back in the hospital. This was the beginning of the end for my studio days. At that time my function went way down, and I was just too tired to photograph weddings etc. When I look back , what a blessing those years we could photograph were. But as always, God knew what was coming up for us. During this time, He blessed us with grandchildren. And in some way this helped me eventually accept that I could no longer work 60-70 hours a week. I think if I wouldn’t have had those kids to help fill my time, I would have been so lonely. Isn’t it amazing how God works? Now I think, what if I wouldn’t have had to go through this? I know I would have kept working. And I could never have been as involved in their lives and watch them grow. So, now I can realize what a blessing I was given. That may sound weird. And don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t seeing the blessings at the time. And I would never judge anyone for not being able to see the roses in amongst all the weeds. But, when we go through a tough time, and can look back to see how God worked things out for us, it is such a miracle. And it is a miracle I’m glad God thought I was worth walking me through. Have you ever heard the saying, “ If nothing goes wrong in your life, maybe you aren’t giving Satan a very good reason to spend time on you”. Simply put, it means if we aren’t giving Satan a reason to be worried about us becoming a strong disciple of God, then maybe he’s just leaving us alone. So when everything seems just peachy, are we really growing with God? That’s a theory to be debated. But I have found in my life, when I truly asked God to make me usable for him, my life felt as though it was falling apart. But really it was just being put in place. I will never regret having gone through what I did, no matter how hard it was.
I want to let all of you know that if you , or someone you know, has, or is going through difficult health and financial problems please don’t be afraid to contact me. Even if it’s not kidney issues, many of the same emotions apply. Or if it is kidney related I certainly can understand the ups and downs of that whole journey. Please feel free to contact me here and I am willing to listen and pray with you. May we always be able to find the blessings!
Also, for years, as my husband and I would walk our favorite beaches, I would write down my thoughts about God and life. There is something truly special about connecting with God in the beauty of His creation. I want to share one of these with you each day. I am also sharing these on FB, but if you can’t see it there, I wanted you to be able to see it here. Hope you enjoy and until tomorrow... to God be the Glory!
Ocean Thought :
(The Dizzy Brunette &
the Docile Fish)
Lesson I learned: God has a purpose for all of us and it can be different for every season of my life.
Have you ever stood on the edge of the water when the tide comes in? If you just stand there and don’t move, it feels as though the earth is moving beneath your feet. Then, if you look down and stare at the water rushing back into the ocean, it can make you dizzy! As I was doing that one day, I noticed all the shells that were constantly being carried onto the beach, only to be hammered back into the ocean. This particular day the waves were huge and beating with great force. As I watched the same items coming in, going out, and coming back in again, it made my head spin. I almost felt sorry for the life they had to endure at the mercy of the waves. Some shells, and even fish would remain on the shore, but on this day, not many could stay on the shore for long. After getting extremely dizzy from watching this circus of nature, I began to walk the beach. Not far into my walk, I came across a fish lying on the shore. I stopped, and in that moment I realized something. This fish was not meant to lay quietly on the shore with no purpose. It was meant to be in the ocean. So, if there were days it got pummeled by the waves, that was ok, because that was the life God intended for it to live. I am sure it had days of wonder and amazement swimming peacefully in the beauty of the ocean. But then there were also rough days when it got swept onto shore and back out again.
I thought of the times I have been so busy in my life with family, work and even church. It felt as though I was being tossed about by the waves and not always really getting anywhere. But then I realized, God was saying that was the purpose I had for you in that season of your life. Now, for the past 14 years I have been dealing with chronic kidney disease, and 3 of those years I was waiting for a kidney transplant. Then 4 years ago a very special girl made sure I received one. Before, I wished I could slow down, and now, I was being forced to. As I walked the beach, God spoke to me about the creativity to tell my story and give Him the glory He deserves! Perhaps this is my purpose for this season of my life.
I’m giving thanks today for the seasons of my life. I have to remember God has a purpose for my life, and that purpose can change with every season. I can’t be afraid to change with it.
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| Like the sun falls into the ocean at night. My heart fell into my stomach when I learned of my kidney disease. |
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