So what were my feelings really like as I went through that hard time back then? Well, please remember God was really working on me. So I am not saying this as a good example. But merely the truth of what I felt.
When I found out about this life long disease I felt much anger. Anger that I Might not have more time with Marv, and that I may not see the things that my kids and grandkids were going to go through. Much fear. Fear that everything would be taken from me before I was ready. Much sadness. Sad again that I might not be there for Marv and my family. There are so many emotions that happen in a circumstance like this. But, once I accepted that this was my new normal, I starting realizing that Gods got this. I was feeling well enough to work and enjoy it. This was huge for me. And still be able to enjoy our grandkids. Until 2012. As I said before this was when I had my second episode. So I had to go back into the hospital. Not feeling quite as sick as the first time, but plenty sick. I was then faced with the reality of my kidney function approaching transplant stage. This started a whole new adventure. It is hard to understand what you have to go through for them to be willing to consider you for a transplant. I had to go through mental evaluations to make sure I was going to be able to handle the mental aspect of a transplant. At the time I thought, this is ridiculous, not knowing this would be the hardest, most real thing I would have to deal with after the surgery. I had to go through many physical tests to make sure I could handle this major surgery. Did I drink? Did I smoke? Was I going to take care of this precious gift I was going to receive? I had to go through financial questions. Could I pay for the transplant? Would I have money to pay for the anti-rejection drugs I would have to take the rest of my life? These are very expensive, and if I couldn’t afford to take them, they didn’t want to give me a kidney, because it wouldn’t last. It was really a daunting task to go through when I was scared, upset and not feeling myself. I had no idea the hoops I would have to jump through. Now I know those rules are there for a reason, but at the time it was not easy for me to see what those reasons were. I just wanted a kidney to feel better and move on with my life!! But God had so much more to show me first. Then there’s the task of finding a match! No one in my family was a match except one of my brothers. I remember when he called to tell me he was a perfect match. I actually cried. Then he had to call me again and tell me they wouldn’t allow him to donate because of a previous surgery he had. So again I cried for a different reason. The ups and downs of that journey is hard to describe. Getting a call from Cleveland clinic saying they might have a match. Someone died and I was second on the list. If the first person wasn’t able to take it for some reason, they would call me back. But they only would call if I got it. So needless to say, that was a crazy time waiting for their call. And sitting there thinking how am
I supposed to be happy, when me getting a kidney means someone had to die? What a strange feeling! I had some people I didn’t really know well, offering to be tested. How humbling. But then, this sweet friend of mine, Shannon, came forward. She was a girl I came to know and love when we were youth sponsors at our church. She was so determined and led to see that I got a kidney. ( God working!) She got tested, but was not a match. But she did not let that stop her. She worked for a long time to have us put on the “swap list”. Finally, after years I was on that list. And within 4 months I had a match. It was actually a 3 way swap. Shannon’s kidney went to someone in California that wanted to donate to someone and they weren’t a match either. And that kidney went to someone else in California in the same situation. And that third person was a match to me, so that kidney came to Ohio for me. It is a phenomenal program when I think about it. The way this is orchestrated and getting the right kidney to the right person! It’s amazing. So,
here I was, waiting for my transplant date. Tomorrow I will share about the feelings I experienced in the days going up to my surgery. Feelings I never thought I would be thinking about. But until tomorrow, to God be the glory!!
I started a community prayer wall by my desk. I put notice up on FB and I want to invite anyone here who wants to have their name on it as well. I am committing to praying for everyone on that wall everyday. If you want to share details of your request with me that’s fine, but don’t feel you need to. God knows your concerns even if all I do is mention your name. There is power in prayer. I am sharing one of my “Ocean Thoughts” today that talks about community and being there for each other.
“The Lone Bird”
What I learned: God sends people when we need them. Let’s be open to letting them help and also open our hearts to His voice so we can help others.
A lone bird on the beach is not an unusual sight. However, one day as I was walking, I spotted this very lonely looking bird. All of a sudden another bird swooped down beside it and just sat there with him. I had to think of how God has done this for me so many times. I had some hard times in my life when I felt pretty alone. But when I look back, God has provided someone who “swooped” in and helped me. Or maybe just sat with me and listened. Times when I thought no one cared, or no one could possibly understand, all of a sudden, there they were , right beside me, carrying me through. These are the ways God helped me through difficult situations. And He helped me come out the other side with a better understanding for other people. He also showed me , through the people He sent to help me how to be available, and move when God puts someone on my heart. People these days like to call it “paying it forward” or “ random acts of kindness”. I like to call it, God working through people’s hearts! To God be the glory! So often I have been in awe of the loving greatness of God. He is faithful in helping us exactly when we need it. And often it is through others who listen for His voice and respond by coming to our side. Today I am thanking God for friends and people who open their hearts to His voice and unexpectedly show up in our lives... just when we need them! I feel God put on my heart today to reach out to community. And they can be anywhere. Not just in my town or vicinity. 😊🙏
I supposed to be happy, when me getting a kidney means someone had to die? What a strange feeling! I had some people I didn’t really know well, offering to be tested. How humbling. But then, this sweet friend of mine, Shannon, came forward. She was a girl I came to know and love when we were youth sponsors at our church. She was so determined and led to see that I got a kidney. ( God working!) She got tested, but was not a match. But she did not let that stop her. She worked for a long time to have us put on the “swap list”. Finally, after years I was on that list. And within 4 months I had a match. It was actually a 3 way swap. Shannon’s kidney went to someone in California that wanted to donate to someone and they weren’t a match either. And that kidney went to someone else in California in the same situation. And that third person was a match to me, so that kidney came to Ohio for me. It is a phenomenal program when I think about it. The way this is orchestrated and getting the right kidney to the right person! It’s amazing. So,
here I was, waiting for my transplant date. Tomorrow I will share about the feelings I experienced in the days going up to my surgery. Feelings I never thought I would be thinking about. But until tomorrow, to God be the glory!!
I started a community prayer wall by my desk. I put notice up on FB and I want to invite anyone here who wants to have their name on it as well. I am committing to praying for everyone on that wall everyday. If you want to share details of your request with me that’s fine, but don’t feel you need to. God knows your concerns even if all I do is mention your name. There is power in prayer. I am sharing one of my “Ocean Thoughts” today that talks about community and being there for each other.
“The Lone Bird”
What I learned: God sends people when we need them. Let’s be open to letting them help and also open our hearts to His voice so we can help others.
A lone bird on the beach is not an unusual sight. However, one day as I was walking, I spotted this very lonely looking bird. All of a sudden another bird swooped down beside it and just sat there with him. I had to think of how God has done this for me so many times. I had some hard times in my life when I felt pretty alone. But when I look back, God has provided someone who “swooped” in and helped me. Or maybe just sat with me and listened. Times when I thought no one cared, or no one could possibly understand, all of a sudden, there they were , right beside me, carrying me through. These are the ways God helped me through difficult situations. And He helped me come out the other side with a better understanding for other people. He also showed me , through the people He sent to help me how to be available, and move when God puts someone on my heart. People these days like to call it “paying it forward” or “ random acts of kindness”. I like to call it, God working through people’s hearts! To God be the glory! So often I have been in awe of the loving greatness of God. He is faithful in helping us exactly when we need it. And often it is through others who listen for His voice and respond by coming to our side. Today I am thanking God for friends and people who open their hearts to His voice and unexpectedly show up in our lives... just when we need them! I feel God put on my heart today to reach out to community. And they can be anywhere. Not just in my town or vicinity. 😊🙏
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