So I survived, now what?

So, I survived my kidney biopsy. Now I was wondering what was next. I wondered what the doctors had planned for me. But more importantly, what did God have planned? I was quickly realizing, at this point, that most trials came with lessons. In one way that scared me. But it also gave me peace at the same time, if that’s possible. I thought, I really don’t want to go through anything else that would cause me pain, anxiety or really, anything hard! I was just done. But it also gave me peace because I was reminded that when I go through trials God is walking with me and that He has proven to me, time and time again, that in any trial of mine, He was in control. What is interesting is that I knew, that God knew, that I needed a break right then. Because while I was still anxious, depressed and pretty paranoid about everything, nothing extra was added to my plate for a little while. The doctors let me start coming in once a month after 4 months and I only had to do bloodwork every other week. This seemed like a vacation, not having to go to the doctors or the lab so often. It felt like progress. A feeling that was much much needed right then. And, of course, God was fully aware of that need. So I would say there was maybe one or two months when nothing dramatic really happened. I went to all my doctor appointments. I did all my bloodwork as they asked me to. I still struggled with my eating and anxiety etc. Then all of a sudden another major side affect of my medicines became worse. It was, and still is, something I struggle with every day. I started with horrible tremors. My right hand would at times just shake uncontrollably. This again is not something everyone gets, but I was blessed with another side affect. It is worse some days than others. But little things I never thought about before became a real challenge. Something as simple as getting food on a fork or spoon from the plate to my mouth. Or writing my name legibly. Things I never imagined I would have trouble doing. At least not at age 57. This caused my anxiety and depression to worsen. I remember the first time Marv took me to a restaurant where I was trying to put drink from the machine in my cup. I couldn’t hardly get it in the cup because of shaking so badly. This of course was embarrassing, but I’m thankful I was able to think about how funny this must look to others that I was able to laugh at myself! However, when I went to my general doctor, he wanted me to see a doctor who specializes in Parkinson’s disease. And this was the not so funny reality, my Dad had Parkinsons and one of my brothers currently has it. So, it seemed like a possibility. Not one I wanted to think about, but a reality  I couldn’t deny.  The problem is there is no definite test for this disease, and the side affects of my medicines are almost exactly the signs of Parkinson’s. So I prayed about it. I didn’t want to go to more doctors and through more tests when they really couldn’t definitively tell me if it was the disease or the side affects. And I certainly didn’t want to be put on more medicines because of a guess that it was the disease. After much anxiety and prayer, I felt a peace with assuming it is the side affects of my medicines. I don’t really know how to explain it other than I had peace that once again God’s got this. Just as He has before, many many times. And if it should end up being Parkinsons, God will also carry me through that as well. I think this was possibly the first real peace that I felt after my transplant, which was so interesting to me. Why, at the possibility of a life long, not fun, illness was I at peace? Because I was finally fully realizing that I was not in control, God was! And handing that control over to Him gave me immense peace. So in the midst of yet another thing to face, God reminded me of His incredible love for me. The question was, how many times would He have to keep reminding me?...